Damon Snider talks with Sonia Sache about interior design tips for MEN.
I think the only time I overhear rants about that concept is when TMN is showcasing “The Notebook” with a 3 for 1 special including chocolate ice cream and crying puppies. IS it dead, or has the expectation of chivalry been blown out of proportion and thus unobtainable by clueless Jason Stathem movie marathon boys? Well, yes and no, but I’m not pointing fingers or making excuses for anyone. The fact is, we’re not expected to hang upside down and kiss a girl while shooting a white sticky substance out of our… wait damn you spiderman for making everything sound dirty! My POINT is, although women would love love LOVE to be swept off their feet in a movie-esque type of way, the truth is that they are more disappointed that dudes are not making any sort of effort in the REALITY-esque sort of way, and thus settle and then RANT when they see a romantic movie.
As I always state, little actions can take us a looong way, primarily because THIS generation of the male species has unintentionally (debatable) yet GENIUSLY led the female population to believe that “there are no gentlemen left out there”. DUDES, do you know what this means?? Women have SKEPTICAL expectations of us, which only works in our favor because NOW we have the luxury of pleasantly surprising her with the subtleties of such actions as opening a door for her. Brilliant. Instead of being blown away by horse-drawn carriages and all that “sweep me off my feet” butterfly stuff, us dudes get legitimately praised in the post-date BFF conference call for not passing gas in front of her. Wow. Dudes, you’re my dudes, but ladies you need to build back a realistic standard of what a gentleman IS before you start wondering where they all went.
So what IS a sufficient “gentleman”? You have the movies and then you have reality, and unfortunately your (attention females, women, girls) expectations of one has been skewed by the other. Can you guess which one?? Yes, men have been lacking in this category, either because of our “busy” schedules or maybe due to all the promiscuity out there that has made “trying” irrelevant, but that doesn’t mean we (attention males, men, boys) should get off easy (pun intended). Open doors, offer up your jacket if it’s cold out, pay your girl a genuine compliment every once and a while… anything STANDARD by the gentleman’s code and you’ll see that “why can’t you be more like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook??” will soon be a forgotten rant. Girls just need to feel special, and after all… aren’t they?
Now DUDES, if you want to keep playing games with that flakey party girl who strings you along, disregard anything you may have picked up in this… article? Fuck it I’m calling it an article. If you want a REAL woman, someone that is going to give you that “roof top potential” (no not jumping off, but screaming her name from it), then give her the bare necessities of a “reality” gentleman and quit being such a DOUCHE if you want more out of a relationship. Sorry for yelling.
Straight up, a DUDE who can cook is H-a-W-t, and I have fallen victim to said DUDE once or twice in my life. “Come on over babe and I’ll cook you a nice meal and we’ll crack a bottle of wine”. As a Holistic Nutritionist, hearing that is like foreplay. However, most DUDES just don’t seem to have a CLUE when it comes to the preparation and execution of fine cuisine for us ladies.
Enter some sort of frozen meat product with a side of fries, or better yet a big bowl of pasta and your concept of a sexy night in will quickly translate to a bloated belly and carb induced coma. Now while it is important to appreciate the ATTEMPT to woo us with your “culinary skills”, gentlemen, your efforts would be much better received if you followed these guidelines:
1. We are not DUDES like you. YOU might be able to get by on takeout, frozen dinners and children’s cereal, but OUR pallet is a little more refined. If you think I got my soft hair, glowing complextion, and bang’n body from eating a box of KD daily, you’d be mistaken. I eat foods from good old mother earth. You know, the produce you see when you first walk in the grocery store? The ones that you have to wash, chop, slice and grate prior to consuming. If you want to cook ME a meal that is really going to knock my socks off (and potentially other items of clothing) then please choose to incorporate foods from the basic food groups (vegetables, fruit, whole grains and meat).
2. Presentation is key. Ladies have learned over the years that men are visual learners and we have been, needless to say, using this to our advantage. Women too are also very visual and have an eye for fine detail. Remember, this is not your average night of eating dinner right out of the pot that you cooked it in. So when you are plating this wonderful veggie filled dinner for us don’t just slop it on the plate atop a chaotic looking table setting. Take some time to make the whole dinner EXPERIENCE look aesthetically pleasing. We might even be so inclined to snap a photo and send it discreetly to our girlfriends #andhecancook.
3. What they say about food being an aphrodisiac is true. There are specific foods by nature that are really going to get our motors running (car analogy…you’re welcome). Shrimp, along with many other forms of sea food contain iodine, which is used in the body to regulate energy. This “energy boost” and the associated increase in blood flow has many sexy benefits that can be put to good use (providing you know what you’re doing in THAT department… but just wait for my next blog post). Asparagus with their long and HARD spears are rich in vitamins such as A, C and B6. Asparagus are also said to boost histamine production which is required to reach… you know… “dessert”! Chocolate (raw cacao dipped strawberries anyone?) contains phenylethylamine which has been nicknamed “the love chemical”. It also contains tryptophan which promotes the feeling of well-being and happiness. And you boys wonder why we love it so much.
So there you have it. Three pieces of useful advice straight from the SOURCE. Anymore and your short attention span towards things that don’t involve sports, tools, or vehicles may have kicked in.
In summation DUDES, it’s time to stop being such duds in the kitchen and whip up a culinary delight that shows her that real men CAN cook, and find out what happens after you have tantalized her taste buds.
…is what the article by Adam McDowell of the National Post is entitled. Check it out! We’re just trying to save the world from crooked posters and mis-matched furniture, one dude at a time…
As once stated by a great duru, “women [should] fear not what lies on the floors of a dude-ists dwelling but [be] embraced by the awesomeness that awaits them[!]“
If you’ve seen that face, you know the “semi-worried, overly polite smile as to not come across as completely judgmental of your liquor bottle collection, circa last weekend”, you need to continue reading. Believe it or not, walking slowly through your grand tour at almost a tip-toe pace is not a sign that she is taking the time to embrace your decor. Chances are she stepped in something questionable near the kitchen and has an underlying fear that said unidentified object may have friends near by. It has taken years of scientific research combined with case studies and recent focus groups to come to the conclusion that… wait for it… girls DON’T like gross sh*t lying around in a dude’s home. I know, I’m shocked too. But luckily this allows us to learn our most important lesson regarding the presentation of our home… Keep. It. Clean.
Now let’s get to the tips on how to impress a girl with your place above and beyond having no dust mites. Plain and simple, your home needs to be “chick friendly”, and no I’m not encouraging you to go out and purchase floral printed fabrics and paint your walls with a subtle hint of fuchsia, so sit back down and let me elaborate. A lot of dudes (not judging you in particular yet) feel the need to translate all of their testosterone induced style sense into an absolute literal representation in their home. Dude likes cars = Dude puts a model car collection front stage and center in his living room. And the response… Chick sees model car collection = Chick thinks dude is an immature boy who likes toys. A chick-friendly approach to your passion for cars is to take one or two and strategically place them next to something more mature… like books! Place a 1:18 scale 1967 Shelby Cobra atop your top three interesting coffee table reads and in direct line with another (may or may not have to be a 1954 Ford F100) next to a picture of you and your father on your annual fishing trip, and you have instantly shown her that you are a MAN who likes manly things (which women dig) without screaming it. The key is subtle exposure of your character through design and decor, and balance with softer accents to offset your guy-heavy items.
Your home is not just a place to crash, but it is a representation of you in the eyes of a woman, and women read into things I’m told. How you take care of your place translates to how you would take care of her in a relationship, so even coming from the guy with a slight bias opinion as he writes a blog about how to impress a lovely lady with your place, I would suggest taking pride in your home and truly make it yours. To put it in perspective, we go out dressed to impress, hoping that our personal presentation will draw in positive attention from that sexy brunette with ombre accents, hipster tank, tight jeans, and colour blocked heels… What seems to be overlooked from the first impressions perspective is that you will eventually get her back to your place, and your home and living conditions represent you just the same. Make sense?
Contest runs from July 9th to July 30th so hurry up and enter or you’ll MISS OUT and most likely get made fun of. Grand prize is a custom TYPE-D table that you wont see anywhere else. Also up for grabs is a custom 30″x30″ piece of art designed for YOU. If THAT’S not enough, you could get a $250 gift card to the UMBRA concept store where you can pick up super awesome FUN stuff for your home. WOW.
Go to www.facebook.com/TypeDliving and click on the “Dope Contest” Icon to enter!
ps. ‘share’ with your friends, add us on twitter, tweet about TYPE-D, and increase your chances of walking away with this wicked stuff
because this is your primary tool to make a memorable first impression on a glance in the eyes of a lovely lady before you potentially open your stupid mouth and shout out something like “Stand still for a second. [Why?] So that I can PICK you UP.” Note: The women you are after are not out to lunch and more importantly cheesey pick-up lines are for doofuses, f*@k.
Anyways, dressing the part is key to determine if and what types of girls you’re going to attract. This doesn’t necessarily mean suiting it up or hopping on the biggest trend fixie (fixed gear hipster bicycle for those CLEARLY not cool) and wearing the tightest pair of red skinny jeans you can find to show your goods straight out the gate (legit from your throat at that point). Choose a style that speaks your personality and then dress THAT up with a little more character to show that you are refined, dude. Don’t be AFRAID to rock a pair of colourful jeans but if you feel uncomfortable the whole time, physically or as if people are judging you, it is only going to show through in your vibe and not do you any justice. You want to show a girl that hands down this is YOU in these clothes, but at the same time, YOU cannot be a BUM. Got it?
**Important disclaimer** FITTED clothes DUDE.
Black on black offset with a colourful pair of fun socks is a no brainer, because the jeans and tee show that you’re badass but when those socks peak out and are caught in the sites of a girl, it also tells them that you are fun, confident, and ready to show them a good time. Just back that sh@t up BRO otherwise you are being very misleading… and rude. Yea don’t be rude with your misleading colourful fun socks. Not cool.
In summation, colour can be your best friend for ever for life for a great first impression but just remember that you need to be in the mindset of “yea I’m wearing a bright pink shirt, is there a problem?” in order for girls to actually dig it. If your shifty eyes scream out “look at me I’m sooOOOooo trendy I think”, you will mostly likely become a project for some average but VERY nice girl and still get induced into the hall of friendzone. The end.
I’m not talking about the ability to use tools (I’ll save that for a dedicated rant at a later date), or the desire to hunt or twist off beer bottle caps with their eyelids. In this particular entry, I’m talking about the inability for a dude to embrace something that MAY deem said dude a lesser dude then a dude’s dude if executed the wrong way… dude.
A simple example: Guy and girl go shopping. Girl goes into change room and asks guy to hold purse. Guy holds purse ever so awkwardly to let it be known to the masses that this purse is NOT his. Guy looks miserable, and everyone around him thinks he’s a p*ssy. DUDE, no one assumes you’re carrying that purse as your own! By hating your life that your girlfriend asked you to hold her purse for 5 minutes, you are only leading people to believe that you ARE less dudely then most. ROCK that purse bra! Throw it over your shoulder and embrace that sh@*t for those 5 minutes. That simple action will radiate confidence and up your dude factor without you even opening your mouth. Just don’t get too comfortable with it because that’s clearly not the point of this exercise. Or umm, do whatever feels right I guess? :s
But let me give you a better example from the chronicles of my waitress “research” over the years and why it’s important to ROCK every obstactle that comes your way IF you want to impress such wonderful specimens known as WOMEN.
On the raaare occasion (let’s go with that) I have a tendency to tell a se… nice waitress or bartender to choose my drink for me. I do this for several reasons. First, this steers you away from your typical drink of choice and brings a little more variety into your life. Sure. Second, it sends a nice message to the waitress that you trust them to be the decision maker of your “drink ordering experience” and builds a nice rapport between the two of you for future conversation. Third, (possibly the most important reason), 8 times out of 10 the waitress will come back with some sort of fruity looking concoction IF you play your cards right. What do I mean by this? The objective of this exercise IS to get the fruity concoction so that you can rebut her mock by ROCKING the EFF out of it and get her number. Tell her to pick a drink that she thinks would reflect your personality well. “If you could choose one drink that SCREAMS my name, what would it be?”. They’ll come back with a pinkish slushy-type thing in a martini glass to try and put you down a notch, and if you act offended or embarassed, you should probably just whisper sweet nothings to good old righty and call a cab home. “How did you know THIS was MY drink? But wait, where’s the pink umbrella???” Ironically, if you rock that fruity nonsense, pinky finger up and all, they’ll see that you are so comfortable with your dudeliness that your chances of grabbing that number at the end of the night has instantly qua-dudeled.
The moral of the story? Chicks dig confidence dude. Stop being such a p*ssy and worrying about what others may think and START embracing sh@*t! You’re a dude, and you like women… no drink or purse or any other factor is going to change that nor give anyone else the opposite impression if you’re staring one of these predicaments down eye to eye. When all else fails, show your confidence and ROCK IT like you don’t give an eff and trust me the results will be quite lovely. (Yes, lovely… we good?).